Jesus hot sauce Christmas cake that's a spicy wendigo
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my second favorite type of ffxiv screenshot is “capturing someone’s chat bubble the second they fucking eat shit and die” so have an assortment of such images. please enjoy
(via hlkproductions)
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As a nonbinary person it feels uncomfortable when strangers perceive my partner and I as a straight couple,
But it’s hilarious to me when they perceive us as father and son.
“Does he have his own luggage?” the agent behind the check-in desk asks brightly, making eye contact with my partner.
“Just carry-on,” I say as I slide my driver’s license across the counter toward her. Confusion dawns on her face. She glances up at me briefly before printing my boarding pass in silence.
“A soap making booth!” I exclaim. I’ve been to the renaissance faire a dozen times but I’ve never visited this shop. “Let’s make soap!”
“First you have to ask your Responsible Adult for five dollars,” says the vendor in a measured, singsong voice, and wags her index finger at me.
I look around, confused. Who is she talking about? Does she mean the young man trailing behind me? I turn back to her.
“I have five dollars …”
“Well you still have to ask him,” she smiles sweetly.
As I open my mouth to ask why, I suddenly realize she has misjudged my age by at least two decades.
“I’m older than he is,” is all I can think of to say.
“Would you like a children’s menu?”
“Sure, and if you’re taking drink orders, I could also go for a Corona.”
Hey op?
HOW???
I’m short
(via dr-teatime)
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i have an iron grip on my couch watching these vampire girls in van helsing (2004)
i’d give so much of it up
i’ve never been as high as i was last night and got so horny from these women that i had to stop watching it
(via hlkproductions)
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whoever said all-nighters are exhausting is a liar i’m doing great. i’ve never felt better in my entire life, the birds are chirping as they welcome me into the gates of morningdom
(via hlkproductions)
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2ft tall, 25lb Kobold Rogue: “Please don’t take away my emotional support dragonborn.”
7'1", 300lb Dragonborn Barbarian: “Yeah, she might get carried away by an above average owl.”
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when the power went out i heard an explosion and my boyfriend was like “a transformer probably busted” and i deadass thought he meant Optimus Prime was out there nutting
Made me think of this post
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not to be problematic but i literally do not give a shit about age gaps when dating vampires. they thirst for your blood. “but it’s predatory!!!!” yeah. it is. “they’re preying on you!!!” they’re vampires. they do that. “it’s a power imbalance!!!!!!” what part of vampires are you not getting
they eat people and can turn into bats and crawl around on walls, lizard fashion, and can hypnotize you with your eyes. a) the age gap is not the creepy part and b) the creep factor is kinda the appeal
they don’t age. that’s part of the horror of it actually. would you accept eternal life, if you can never progress? can never grow or change? you’ll live forever, eternal youth, but frozen exactly as you are now. you will never become the person you’re meant to be. you are trapped in the mind of a 17-year-old forever. also ‘theoretically old if you disregard the fact that he’s a vampire’ doesn’t even make the top 20 worst things about edward cullen list. girl he’s mormon. prioritize
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I know people on tumblr looove stories of underwater cave diving, but I haven’t seen anyone talk about nitrogen narcosis aka “raptures of the deep”
basically when you want to get your advanced scuba certification (allowing you to go more than 60 feet deep) you have to undergo a very specific test: your instructor takes you down past the 60+ foot threshold, and she brings a little underwater white board with her.
she writes a very basic math problem on that board. 6 + 15. she shows it to you, and you have to solve it.
if you can solve it, you’re good. that is the hardest part of the test.
because here’s what happens: there is a subset of people, and we have no real idea why this happens only to them, who lose their minds at depth. they’re not dying, they’re not running out of oxygen, they just completely lose their sense of identity when deep in the sea.
a woman on a dive my instructor led once vanished during the course of the excursion. they were diving near this dropoff point, beyond which the depth exceeded 60 feet and he’d told them not to go down that way. the instructor made his way over to look for her and found a guy sitting at the edge of the dropoff (an underwater cliff situation) just staring down into the dark. the guy is okay, but he’s at the threshold, spacing out, and mentally difficult to reach. they try to communicate, and finally the guy just points down into the dark, knowing he can’t go down there, but he saw the woman go.
instructor is deep water certified and he goes down. he shines his light into the dark, down onto the seafloor which is at 90 feet below the surface. he sees the woman, her arms locked to her sides, moving like a fish, swimming furiously in circles in the pitch black.
she is hard to catch but he stops her and checks her remaining oxygen: she is almost out, on account of swimming a marathon for absolutely no reason. he is able to drag her back up, get her to a stable depth to decompress, and bring her to the surface safely.
when their masks are off and he finally asks her what happened, and why was she swimming like that, she says she fully, 100% believed she was a mermaid, had always been a mermaid, and something was hunting her in the dark 👍
(via starsandstormyseas)
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Wizard: [Fighter], do you have anything we can use to make a fire? There’s plenty of wood here, can you maybe do something with the metal door hinges and a stone??
Me, the DM: ……[wizard], make an intelligence check.
Wizard: 15?
Me: ……..you recall that you know the firebolt cantrip which is often used to set things on fire.
Wizard:
Wizard: oh
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The girls are exeeerrrcising
Tags by @doberbutts
(via starsandstormyseas)
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me: “yeah I dated a guy in high school who came out as gay. it was before i knew i was a boy so needless to say it didn’t work out”
coworker: “damn dude was preordering”
other things this coworker (who is a cis guy) has done/said:
—got confused about why I’d never been a boy scout because he forgot i was trans
—told me he was gonna get top surgery scar tattoos to match me after i get mine
—laughs at all my trans jokes, even if they’re supremely unfunny
—calls me big dog (and him little dog) even though he is about as tall as two of me
— “I can’t believe she would say that transphobic thing to you. In June? Pride month?”
Once I said “My gender is whatever’s funniest at the time” and my coworker stops dead in his tracks, turns slowly and says “So are your pronouns honk/honk?” killing me instantly
(via dr-teatime)
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Haters be like
“It’s totally possible to make a path that goes through every door exactly once”
Idk if I did it right
sorry!
it’s true you can’t draw one continuous line that would do the trick. but if the kitty and bunny set out by going through the doors they’re marked beside and each walked the certain way their colored arrows show at the same time their “collective path” as a team would go through each door only once. The moral of the story is actually about friendship , and cooperation, because in this world there are tasks you can’t do on your own.
im just fucking with you i’m pretty sure this has no right answer
i concocted a solution with a 100% mortality rate
Stop being so incredibly funny on my impossible puzzle post
You can switch the tracks so the trolley will kill one person, or you can allow it to attempt the fruitless crusade of running over each person in the maze only once.
all in a days work! *passes out*
My indecisive butt, walking in and being faced with having to make a decision, immediately leaving
oOoOoooo I’m a ghost!
Fire
dude my house
What I love about tumblr is when we see a logic problem meant to be frustrating and/or unsolvable, we almost reflexively try to destroy it.
This website’s userbase is a chimp chewing through a Chinese finger trap
(via modmad)
